I told him this: "I've been through hell up until...well...I moved out here to Colorado. Molested, raped, picked on by everyone, homeless, jobless, brought to the brink of insanity, and ultimately, leaving this place. My mom is losing her mind, which will cause my floodgate holding everything in check to break once her mind does go. How can an angel be born from all of that strife, pain, suffering?"
My dads reply: "The reason that all that took place is because for a person to now which way is up that person has to know where to start from . And that is the bottom. Also for a person to know how to help one has to have been there. "Walk a mile in my shoes." Or that person would not be sympathetic towards a person that is in dire need of help or what kind of help to give. I've been there so I know what you need. For you to be an Angle you have had to go through a lot in order to know which way to go. :)"
I then told him it seems I am one. I truly am one. I love helping people. I've been there. I've helped people, whether or not I got repaid for it.
He told me I am now starting to understand where he has come from:
"Now you will star understanding why I have said for a long time " I am not
from here." And now you will realize the truth behind it.
You are now coming into the age of understanding."
My reply:
"Sometimes
I hate understanding. I hate being psychic, and being able to read
people sometimes. I read them like open books. Other times, I don't
mind, but theres days where I wish someone would read me, like I read
them. Then tell someone whats going on."
It gets tiresome sometimes. So tiring. I want someone to be able to read me, have someone ask that person what is wrong with me, then they know. Just be sitting there, or somewhere, and...I dunno....pleh...
I also asked him if I'm going to be remembered when I go, and leave. Its another thing I'm scared of. That when I pass, I won't be remembered. I do many nice things for people, and I'm afraid that I won't be remembered as the one who did it. I don't care if I'm repayed or not. I don't even mind if I'm not thanked. That doesn't bother me. Its the fact that I may not have made much of an impact on that persons life. Maybe its me. I dunno.
Maybe being an angel is my destiny. Maybe I'm supposed to have gone through hell, dragged through hell, and then back up, just to help people. Maybe to those I help, I am that angel. My dad said I had to have been there to know how to help people. I must be in line for helping a lot, cause I went through a lot. Any other person that I know, personally, would have committed suicide after all of that. Though sometimes, I don't feel like one.
Lately, Been really annoyed with little things. I actually was rather annoyed the other night, and when I went to the store, I was doing 75mph up the street I was using. No, wasn't a freeway, or anything. Just the main thouroughfare I was using. I went home, handed Spike his foods, then left and hit the freeway. Did upwards of 80 on it. Then I went to my friends house, and vented. Vented hard. Just stuff I shouldn't be annoyed at. People pick on Spike a lot. To the point of bullying. It gets annoying and irritating, especially when Spike doesn't deserve it. Not a single bit.
I have a new picture of my mother from my sister, who went to Nevada to see her. Shes in a wheelchair, and looks lost. She recognized her friend Binky, but not her own daughter. I just wish I was there to make sure shes ok, and that she knwos shes loved. I know Stacey won't be able to stay there. I feel it coming on...
The point where that Dam breeches, and everything is flooding out. Anger, pain, rage, sadness, hurt, loss. My mother is dying, masses on her lungs. Shes not gonna last the year. I know this....I just hope everyone I'm around is able to handle it, and me. And that if they can not, just let me be...
It gets tiresome sometimes. So tiring. I want someone to be able to read me, have someone ask that person what is wrong with me, then they know. Just be sitting there, or somewhere, and...I dunno....pleh...
I also asked him if I'm going to be remembered when I go, and leave. Its another thing I'm scared of. That when I pass, I won't be remembered. I do many nice things for people, and I'm afraid that I won't be remembered as the one who did it. I don't care if I'm repayed or not. I don't even mind if I'm not thanked. That doesn't bother me. Its the fact that I may not have made much of an impact on that persons life. Maybe its me. I dunno.
Maybe being an angel is my destiny. Maybe I'm supposed to have gone through hell, dragged through hell, and then back up, just to help people. Maybe to those I help, I am that angel. My dad said I had to have been there to know how to help people. I must be in line for helping a lot, cause I went through a lot. Any other person that I know, personally, would have committed suicide after all of that. Though sometimes, I don't feel like one.
Lately, Been really annoyed with little things. I actually was rather annoyed the other night, and when I went to the store, I was doing 75mph up the street I was using. No, wasn't a freeway, or anything. Just the main thouroughfare I was using. I went home, handed Spike his foods, then left and hit the freeway. Did upwards of 80 on it. Then I went to my friends house, and vented. Vented hard. Just stuff I shouldn't be annoyed at. People pick on Spike a lot. To the point of bullying. It gets annoying and irritating, especially when Spike doesn't deserve it. Not a single bit.
I have a new picture of my mother from my sister, who went to Nevada to see her. Shes in a wheelchair, and looks lost. She recognized her friend Binky, but not her own daughter. I just wish I was there to make sure shes ok, and that she knwos shes loved. I know Stacey won't be able to stay there. I feel it coming on...
The point where that Dam breeches, and everything is flooding out. Anger, pain, rage, sadness, hurt, loss. My mother is dying, masses on her lungs. Shes not gonna last the year. I know this....I just hope everyone I'm around is able to handle it, and me. And that if they can not, just let me be...
