Resiliance and willpower....

I'm sitting here listening to a new mix by OnlyChillstep...

Only Chillstep Selection #30

I'm noticed something about myself. Nothing really new, or anything like that. See, earlier today, I skinned my knee. My ankle gave out and I flopped about, arms flailing as I tried to regain my balance. It ended up with my knee getting skinned, and my ankle hurting a bit. Nothing huge, but I have a barely noticeable limp. But I got up, swore at my ankle and knee, and continued to walk home. This is life.

My sister had said that when life suddenly becomes hard, you have leveled up. I've always continued forwards, because I know that if I stop, and say screw it, I wouldn't be me any longer. I always move on, even when faced with difficult times ahead of me. I always keep an optimistic outlook as well. A friend of mine, Albert, had told me that I taught him how to do that. To look at the bright side of things. Even when someone dies. I'm not sure how I do this, but I've seen myself do this a lot. Even when something horrible happens, such as getting separated from a $3,500/mo job. I've seen around me, my friends, always look at the bad side of things.

If we always look at the bad side of things, we would not see the good side. For example. Yes, right now I have no teeth in my mouth. Gums are still pretty tender, and painful. I can eat soft things right now. In a few weeks, I won't have ANY pain, and I will be able to use my dentures to eat hard things. I will be pain free in my mouth, something I've not experienced in a long time. Yes, I live in a different state than my mother. Shes alone in a nursing home, and her mind isn't the greatest. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But she is getting the care she needs. I talked to her head nurse, and she told me that shes having a nice time there. She gets up and dances with the head nurse, listening to music. She is HAPPY. She deserves to be happy, given her life. Yes, she wasn't the best woman. Manipulative, and yes, she lied to people. I don't condone that. I hate liars, and shes the main reason why. But you know, she did it for her kids. Her kids were her first priority in life. And they turned out OK.

I was resilient and moved on when that happened. I went back into my apartment, and sobbed for about 20min. Then I got ready to come to Colorado Springs. I pushed through that most difficult time, and everything turned out OK. If we don't push on, move forwards, then we lose who we are. Regardless of who is around. I've done this a lot, and I've been told that I have a rather strong will. An uncanny ability to see the good sides of all situations.

Maybe that is what I'm supposed to do...be the light when everyone sees dark... :)