Progress

So I asked him something, that took me a lot of courage, and, well, balls, to be honest, to ask. I asked if he could promise to not play with anyone else. And he did. To my surprise, he did. I almost cried. I thought he was gonna accuse me of being like this huge drama queen.

You said "I was expecting you to ask me that a while ago...". I felt read. Like you anticipated me, and I enjoyed it. I felt like I was yours. Spike, you truly are making headway. A lot of it.

I'm Sorry I held so much back from you. I realize now that it prevented a LOT of development, and that I held so much expectation from you. I expected you to KNOW me, without me opening up. I had expected you to learn without being shown what, how, and when. For that, I'm sorry. I really am. I've thought about it for a while now, and I realize just how much I was holding back, and not letting anything progress forwards. How much I was hampering your efforts. Maybe Mich was right on one aspect of me, that I was acting too high and mighty to realize any of that. Of that, I apologize with every fiber of my being.

The note you left the other day, I loved it. Just a small little reminder. I may not have needed it, but still. I loved it. It told me "I want to make him smile today, cause i know he is worried about the walk-through." The way it was signed, it made me...its almost unexplainable. "You're mine. I am your Dom. Master." And it made the reminder like a "if you haven't thought of doing this, please do so." order type of thing. I can't ignore those types of things. Something in me tells me to make sure it happens. I can not ignore a direct command. it WILL get done. Now, don't be like: "Clean the entire house by wed." It would happen, but it would not be good. I would feel used, though it would most likely pass quickly. I just really enjoyed the feeling that you took the time to write me a small note. However insignificant it seems to you, regardless of content, means a lot to me.

Spike, you've made a lot of progress. I've opened my self, and felt exposed. Feeling that you'll do something that seems small to you, that would destroy me, has been a constant thought on my mind. Things run through my head, and most times i can't stop it. But I'm very glad I can finally start to relax. To let down my guard of "Oh, he'll mess up somehow.." and turn that into "Na. He won't. Hes not like that anymore." And I'm beginning to be proud to call you my Dom. "Spike McDowwll, he is my Dom, my Owner." It feels good.

Thank you for having the patience with me to see me through everything. I don't have much to give back, except my love and submission. Both I give freely.