Its been a while since I've written in here. Mostly because I've been busy with work, and then if not that, then other things.
I went to the Ren Faire on the 13th. Gods. I had so much fun. I was able to spend some money on a couple of things. A dragon pendant, leather laced bracers, foods, and Des payed for a knife/sword set. Imma pay him back, cause yea. Saw Puke and Snot. Des loved them. He liked them more than he thought he would. I'm really glad. I REALLY wanna go back, but I don't think I will be able to. But that's ok. I thoroughly enjoyed the time I spent there. I absolutely loved it. We went to see Celtic Legacy, a show there, and I loved it. The crowd got into it, which was awesome. And their music was epic. We then saw Cast in Bronze. Someone playing bells like it was a piano. Very very nice music, as he had music playing in the background too. The women singing on the music tracks...Ethereal. Absolutely angelic. Gods, those voices made me listen and transported me into another world. By this time, we all decided it was time to go home. We spent six and a half hours, experienced a lot of things, and had a lot of fun, while at the Faire. I was actually sad that we had to go. I got to escape for a while.
Then I remembered that my little brother would have had so much fun there as well. Made me start missing him like mad. I started reminiscing of all of the times we were having fun together. Getting high, or playing video games. Stuff like that. Hell, just talking about people at random. I wish I could experience that again. I really miss him. He knows me better than anyone. He has SEEN what I've been through. Meghan knows me too, yes. But she hasn't SEEN (that I know of) a lot of it. I've told her yes. Shes felt a lot, and all of that. But she didn't SEE it. Elly, the same way. She has been told, and has read me like a book, a lot like Meghan has, but she hasn't SEEN it. Not in my eyes like my lil bro has. Escape was rare back then. I was able to get into NWN and play on my server for hours, just diving head long into the RP. Since IOS has gone, I haven't been able to do it, not even in second life. Yea, I got Zeke in Second Life, even got him spells and stuff. Angel wings, and he has had several people say he is really pretty. Angelic. Which is what he is supposed to be. I miss that. I miss being able to be Zeke. Ezekieal, Kitten of Doom. Three and a half foot tall Neko boy (catling), white hair, rainbow tail, and black ears. Three and a half feet of fun. I try to be that way in Second Life, while on that account, and hell, even got Whim to play! Zekes husband from NWN. Knows I play two people ectect. Took me forever to get him to at least try. And he finally did, and he loves it. the person behind Whim is a middle school music teacher, who has a husband. Yes, two guys. Anyways, I still miss those times where I could escape from reality, and get into some fantasy RP. Just to detach from reality for a short bit.
Its not to say I don't enjoy whats happened. I really do. Just sometimes I feel like sooooo much is expected of me. Yes, I am a Dom. But do I really have time for such? I want to say yes. I want to make time on the days off that I do have the time to be that Dom I am. I'm working on a schedule for Charles to follow, and I will work on one for Spike as well. Maybe that will be a routine for them. Help all of us to get into that sense of routine, the lifestyle they want. Its hard though sometimes. Specially when they're so goddamned stubborn. Always think they're right. Or they don't listen. Not that I've given them much to listen to, but still. I don't know how to punish them when they don't listen. Not gonna beat them. No. Maybe psychological things. I don't know. I will figure something out.
Spike was also trying to get me to tell him everything about me. If I did, I don't think he'd like me much anymore. Because of the nature of the secret. Its one of those things that I can't tell like its nothing. Its something that only those beyond extremely close to me know. He wrote a blog the other day about how he felt about me. It didn't come too much as a surprise. What the surprise was is that its been for so long. Since October of 2011. I know he liked talking to me, wants to make sure I'm taken care of, likes my company and what not. And I do him. I just have someone already, and I don't know what to do. I do know I'm gonna make a conscious effort to stop making feel like a third wheel. I'm definitely not gonna break up with my boyfriend to date another. Already did that once. Screwed up a rather nice relationship....I don't know what to do about it.
I feel like I'm being left behind. Everyone is doing things. Charles is going out to these events. Hes going to be in the gay parade. He goes to a get together every Sunday evening. He meets leather daddys, and leather boys. Its a casual thing, but he still meets them. I've only been to one since he started. I rode my bike to another, and by the time I got there, it was over. Deroo hangs out on a Sim my avatar is banned from. I was apparently rude and negative. Just left one day, next day to go back, I was banned. No real explanation. He still hangs out there, a LOT, and it feels like he is being taken from me. I feel like Charles is being taken from me. Both of them say its not gonna happen. And I believe them. But it still feels like that. I was distancing myself away from these things. Me and Charles talked about it last night. He had mentioned that the only way for me to become no so worried, was to become just good friends. I told him that this would not be a good way to go, as everything that everyone, including myself has tried to take down, would go back up. He would mention his outings, new friends, his immersing into the leather BDSM world, and I would slowly lose my grip on him. I don't know how to keep him though. I can't really go to the meetings he does, as I work when they happen. The sub groups from CoP, I don't get a chance to go to those, as again, I'm working. Everything that I can do to get out more, attend these events, usually are done by the time I get off work. I can go to things on my day off, but theres usually nothing going on.
I went to the pride parade. Had fun there. Got kinda burnt. Charles got a lot burnt. We were a little late, but he was still able to walk with the Summit Masters group. I'm really glad he was able to do that. He kept saying that we will be late, but he was able to walk anyways. The parade wasn't as twinky as I thought it would be. The one in Reno, NV, was horrible. I walked around, and it was just bad. We were invited to a barbeque afterwards as well, but I didn't really enjoy it that much. A lot of really nice people, but I didn't know anyone. I was just a little uncomfortable. After that though, the day was nice and slow. Watched Lord of the Rings, and finished them today.
Other than these things, I don't have much to update. Until Next time!!
