Resiliance and willpower....

I'm sitting here listening to a new mix by OnlyChillstep...

Only Chillstep Selection #30

I'm noticed something about myself. Nothing really new, or anything like that. See, earlier today, I skinned my knee. My ankle gave out and I flopped about, arms flailing as I tried to regain my balance. It ended up with my knee getting skinned, and my ankle hurting a bit. Nothing huge, but I have a barely noticeable limp. But I got up, swore at my ankle and knee, and continued to walk home. This is life.

My sister had said that when life suddenly becomes hard, you have leveled up. I've always continued forwards, because I know that if I stop, and say screw it, I wouldn't be me any longer. I always move on, even when faced with difficult times ahead of me. I always keep an optimistic outlook as well. A friend of mine, Albert, had told me that I taught him how to do that. To look at the bright side of things. Even when someone dies. I'm not sure how I do this, but I've seen myself do this a lot. Even when something horrible happens, such as getting separated from a $3,500/mo job. I've seen around me, my friends, always look at the bad side of things.

If we always look at the bad side of things, we would not see the good side. For example. Yes, right now I have no teeth in my mouth. Gums are still pretty tender, and painful. I can eat soft things right now. In a few weeks, I won't have ANY pain, and I will be able to use my dentures to eat hard things. I will be pain free in my mouth, something I've not experienced in a long time. Yes, I live in a different state than my mother. Shes alone in a nursing home, and her mind isn't the greatest. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But she is getting the care she needs. I talked to her head nurse, and she told me that shes having a nice time there. She gets up and dances with the head nurse, listening to music. She is HAPPY. She deserves to be happy, given her life. Yes, she wasn't the best woman. Manipulative, and yes, she lied to people. I don't condone that. I hate liars, and shes the main reason why. But you know, she did it for her kids. Her kids were her first priority in life. And they turned out OK.

I was resilient and moved on when that happened. I went back into my apartment, and sobbed for about 20min. Then I got ready to come to Colorado Springs. I pushed through that most difficult time, and everything turned out OK. If we don't push on, move forwards, then we lose who we are. Regardless of who is around. I've done this a lot, and I've been told that I have a rather strong will. An uncanny ability to see the good sides of all situations.

Maybe that is what I'm supposed to do...be the light when everyone sees dark... :)

Music....

I'm sitting here listening to a piece of modern music, done in a classical way. Its one of the best pieces I've heard in a long time.

Beethoven's 5 Secrets - Piano Guys

This music here, I don't know what it was. Spoke to me. Soothed me. Made me feel, I don't know. Normal. A lot of people don't know the power of music. They think its just a good set of sounds put together, to sound good. While true, yes, the power of music, is it is able to make you FEEL it. To bring tears to your eyes, because of the feelings it stirs. I'm writing this with tears running down my face, this song on repeat. It soothes the soul. It speaks to my heart, telling me everything, eventually, will be ok. Telling me that no matter how hard I struggle, that as long as I don't give up on ANYTHING, I will come out on top.




Music. It is powerful. It can do a myriad of things. The sounds flowing through you. To rest in your ears. In your mind, the sounds come alive, painting a picture on what it wants you to see. Whether it is a golden sunrise over an ocean, a misty morning in the woods, or maybe the star scape on a dark night. It can lift your mood to new heights, or bring it down to new lows. It can make you dance, moving your body to the rhythm that you hear, be it conducting an invisible orchestra, or waving your arms as you look skywards. Its able to make you cry, and make you laugh, and everything in between. This, is what music is. This is what it is meant for.

I wish those who really need it, need to hear this, can. There are those out there who need that pat on the back. That hope. The light brought back to their eyes. While I may be going through a pretty hard time, and while I may struggle keeping the light in my eyes, there are those who don't have it any longer. Grown men, women, children. they would hear this, and possibly realize that hope is still there.

This is what I want. To bring people hope once more.