A pulling....

A pulling of my heart, a feeling in my stomach that something is going to change, whether I want it to or not. Magically, psychically, inside. I went to a store the other day, looking for a book. I asked the lady for this book, she didn't have it in her store. So I looked around the store, and saw him. He was sitting in a case. I looked for a price, but didn't see one. And I stared. He spoke to me, not in my mind, but in the fiber of my being. Ikthys's. Yea, this is sounding weird. I know it is. But you know, everything happens for a reason. A double terminated quartz crystal, almost perfectly clear. Maybe a small spot or two on the inside that wasn't clear. But no one is perfect.

"Why are you talking like this thing is a person?"
Everything is aware of everything. Wavelengths of the consciousness. Some are long, like the trees and rocks. Some are fast, like the humming bird. And the human.

This crystal I was seeing, was telling me to buy it. It said "You're buying me this time. Its time to start getting ready."

"How can things talk to you? Like this crystal?"
All you have to do is listen. Everything talks. It is just us humans NEVER slow down enough to listen. For the first time in a long time, something spoke to me like that. So I bought it. I pulled money out of my fursuit card, and got a one time deal of $30 on this crystal.

Then, it pulled me to the Garden of the Gods. I was following my inner eye. I HAD to get to the GotG. There was no question. I get there, and start hiking to a spot. Something told me to get there. So I wandered around a particular area. The crystal showed me where I needed to go somewhat. I went there, and then it guided me. So I wandered around the area until I found the right spot. Ikthys's. Then I set the crystal on the rock, near a rose quartz that was firmly stuck in place, but able to be seen. And then I meditated.

Energy. The energy that was in my crystal when I bought it was tainted and old. It wasn't his energy. He was desperate to get rid of it. So I did. I expelled that old tainted energy from him, and his own shined bright against the aether. It was a pure energy. Then I tuned his to my own. A brilliant white-blue energy. I looked at myself when I did this. I sat about seven feet in the air, about six feet north west. And I saw myself there. My real self.

"To dream that you have the wings of an angel indicate your sweet, angelic quality. Or you may be in need of some protection from life's stresses and problems." - www.dreammoods.com 

Except I didn't dream them this time. I was shown, and I saw. It may have been only for an instant, but I saw it. A white-blue aura was around my body, and my crystal shined to almost blinding intensity of the same color. 

A conversation I had with a person:

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  August 24

  Matthew Ford

  • How can one tell if another is an angel?
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  August 24

  Joseph Zaba

  • well we are all angels .. spirit beings with great love an magickal powers .. da prob be we are stuck in bodysuits ina state of amnesia down here inda matrix
  • no such thing as a soul be more angel than another .. der be no favorites in Big Mamas fam
  • time 4 awakening inda matrix neo ...
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  August 24

  Matthew Ford

  • *nods* Are some more aware of that than others? I dunno if you remember, but I'm the one who had said I dreamt I was an angel...
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  August 24

  Joseph Zaba

  • yes sum (you) .. are ... a tricky thing to be too aware ... rest yer mind an nurture yerslf an do fun things .. our spirit family will guide us to our awakening all we gotta do is stay tuned in thru spiuritual practise an disciplin .. gotta run bro .. namaste an thanks 4 da chat!
    
    

(names and pics appear before chat, if you have trouble reading...)

I've dreamed a few times that I have wings of an angel. I saw myself with white wings...maybe the above meaning is true. That I do have a real sweet and angelic personality, and I need protection. I don't know. I just know, that I saw myself with wings of white...the Wings of an Angel.

So!!! Things are becoming better.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to a Sub class that dealt with Negotiating. I learned a lot of stuff in that class. Not only is communication THE key to this, so is honesty. If one of the sides are not sure, they need to say so about what it is you're negotiating. For example: Master Paul and his Sub acted out a scene, where they met up, and had coffee. They negotiated going over to Master Paul's house, for a small scene. The sub brought a friend, and was tied up, before the sub was handcuffed to the wall. The scene basically pointed out that there was a miss communication. Negotiations are a way of getting to know someone's limits, either hard or soft. To find the triggers of potentially bad situations. There was a lot of things learned in this class. One thing I learned, is that Most Doms can do a scene at your comfort level. Just because you see one playing rough with a sub, does NOT mean that is the only way s/he does scenes. They are able to become gentle, or more rough, if that is what you wish. I knew this in the back of my head, but I didn't really KNOW it. I always they were always were just that one way. The important part is making sure you are communicating your vision to the other party, while making sure you keep in mind that they are doing the same thing. I've yet to play with a Dom quite yet. My own, more of an on going small power exchange type of thing. Nothing extreme, yet. I've asked that more protocol be involved. Things like, walking behind him, or sitting next to him during dinner (though that will be very hard when at work). But I myself need to learn what kinds of protocol exists, and to experiment with them. I hope that he will be doing these things, the whole protocol thing. I have the knowledge to be a sub, but I would love to have the experience as well. It feels like that would fill a missing piece in my soul, or something of that sort.

On another note, who knows about a man called Moordach Nythroe? No one? he was around six feet tall, light brown hair, bordering on dark blonde. He was a protector. One who came to this earth around 15,000 years ago. Sent here, for some reason. The town he protected, the people thought he was some sort of god. He was able to make fire come from his hands, fly without birds wings. Heal wounds that would otherwise cripple a person. He didn't have any magical powers. This was all done on faith. "Faith in God you mean?" Maybe. Mind over matter. Faith that his will was strong enough to heal, protect. Sometimes, the towns folk asked if he had wings, because they swore they saw wings on his back when he walked away. Was it their imagination? Or were they really there? Moordach Nythroe, is from Sirius. I don't know what planet, but i feel a pull back to that place. A place of wonderous technology. A place where there is peace, finally. Moordach has been tormented since he arrived, because of the constant war this planet is having. War against each other, for the smallest of things. Boundries. Oil. Moordach, is me. It is my first life on this planet that I remember. My very first incarnation. I know there are previous ones, as I have 'dreamed' them. I sat in my chair back in Nevada, and suddenly said, out of no where, "There IS life around Sirius...how do I know this for certain?" I feel it with every fibre of my being. Like I'm being called. And, I've been there. They saw my spirit form. I almost went back one time, but I was stopped. Yea, i know this sounds crazy as hell. But I dreamed I was looking over a stargate, like from SG-1. except horizontal. I was escorted through this ice chamber. I looked down, and I was told "You will not be able to return here, if you go through. You will be going to your real home though..." I had put my foot over the edge, and was about to step off, when I woke up. Now, if that was a dream, why do I remember it so vividly? After 7 years? The color of the room was ice. SG-1 team members, from the show, were there. Carter, she was with me at the top, telling me I wouldn't be able to return. The Colonel, he escorted me to Carter. T'ealc, he was standing guard. I can't remember the civilians name, but he was up higher, nodding to me. I looked into all of their eyes, and I KNEW it was my people. Dream? I doubt it. Gives you something to think about at least.