I went to RMFC. We arrived on Thursday, the day before the Con actually starts at around 3p. Got the room, went up there, relaxed, the start of four days of fun. I didn't get in my fursuit that day, but I did wander and mingle. I saved my fursuit for the next day, at the Opening Ceremonies. I met people, saw Pnut, and a lot of awesome suiters on Thursday.
Then came Friday, when the Con started. Opening Ceremonies, I suited up. And it was fantastic. I loved every moment. Yes, it was hot as SHIT. I was sweating like a cornered nun. But I didn't care. I loved it. I suited up for the Opening Ceremonies, and stayed in my suit for four and a half hours. So many pictures were taken of me. I got SO many compliments. After that, I went back up and changed out of it, got some foods, relaxed and cooled off. I then went back down to go to the dealers den, and so many things O_O. I wanted to buy all the things. Me and Charles walked around, mingled, and had more fun. I took my tablet, but I hardly used it. We then went and got dinner, and some sandwich making items from Wal-mart. Came back, had foods, and then went and mingled some more.
I met a person there who I thought i was going to like. He was nice, and rather respectful. He stayed with us for about a month after the Con, and it was one of the worst decisions that I was involved with making. He expected everyone to serve him because of his disabilities. Turns out he doesn't have any, physical anyways, aside from a speed impediment. He came out to work out with me and Des, and did perfectly fine. He didn't have any problem doing anything. He hid behind his disabilities, and played WoW all day long. He did contribute his foodstamps. Which was appreciated. But he expected everyone to do everything for him. So I called him a leech on society, and he left. He sent spike an email, basically stating to stop telling people how he really is or he will press charges. So I told Spike and Charles to never contact us ever again. Including Draggie.
I also met another there as well. Ian. He was a fur that contacted me a couple of weeks before the Con started to give hi ma ride up there, and back. He's a good kid, got his head on straight. Yea, hes immature sometimes, but he is 18. Who ISN'T immature at that age? We met, and he did his thing at the Con, but he latched onto me as well. What I mean is, he saw me as an older figure, a wise person. He wants to learn about BDSM, Master/sub relations. I know I'm not the best teacher for that. He wanted to become my Sub, but I didn't agree right away as I already have two.
Charles became rather jealous of that. Which was totally understandable. He thought he was gonna lose me to him. All I want to do is show someone who is very very new to the scene the REALness, the true BDSM, instead of what the Furry Fandom has done to it. It has corrupted it into something demented and not at all what it is truly about. I talked to Spike and Charles about it. About taking Ian under my wings. They both agreed to it, so I did. He trusted me enough to take something from him that can only be taken once. His virginity. I felt honored by that. Since then, he's come over about once every once every week, or so. We play games, talk, be silly. He is going to college too. For, eventually, computer sciences, like me. He just got out of high school either this year or last year. He has plans for his future already. Which is more than I had when I was his age.
When I got back from RMFC, I lost my job at Convergys. They told me that due to the issues I was having, they couldn't let me work. So I asked to be fired so I can collect unemployment, and they had already decided to do that. So on August 7th, I was let go from Convergys. at the beginning of Sept. I got a job at Home Depot. Just a temporary one, until I get the CDOC job, working as a Prison guard for the state of Colorado. Making $45,000 to start. Per Year. I've never made that much in one year in my entire life. A lot of stresses would be lifted. Making $3,273 per month (before taxes of course) would be outstandingly good.
The BDSM relations i have with Spike and Charles are going real slow, at best. the loss of my job and whatnot has been real stressful for everyone. I've made up a schedule for Charles, but haven't finished Spikes yet. I have a couple ideas, but they will need to be put down on paper before I can see if it will look right.
I feel like I'm letting them down somehow though. Like, I'm not up to the task, despite my rather strong will. Charles wants/needs a full time Dom, and that is something I'm not able to do. I have to bubbly of a personality. He said he is happy relationship wise. us being mates, he couldn't be happier, but at the same time he feels held back. Held back that being mated is preventing him from finding a Dom. I don't want that to happen, so we've tried different ways of alleviating that feeling. We've tried everything, except one thing. They haven't worked. I don't know what else to do, aside form that one thing, to alleviate that feeling he has. And he doesn't want to do that, so I don't know what to do.
But at least he knows what he wants. I know what I want to. A specific feeling, a niche. No one I know has hit that yet. The feeling of being a sub, who is appreciated, valued, and controlled. I don't know how that translates to BDSM terms or whatnot. While being a Dom is a good thing, I still have those times where I want to be a Sub. NWN IoS type of Server is up, but thats not doing as much as I thought it would. I have Ezekieal on SL, but due to Michs' big mouth, most people know that hes me, so that doesn't help. I have no outlet for this. No one i know can Dominate my personality. Truly dominate. So I'm stuck like this for now.
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