Sorry I haven't updated this for a while. Things became real for me when I started my new job. This is what has happened so far, since then.
On December 7th 2013, I took my car to the dealership to find out why the turbo wasn't engaging once more, and find out what the clicking noise was. At this time, I was scared. I mean, my ONLY means to work was failing me. Also, I was getting tired of having Spike pay for repairs for this car. Like, really tired. I toyed with the option of getting a new car. "My credit fucking sucks though." said my brain. So I talked with Spike about it. I was scared of doing that too. Of buying a brand new car. I mean, something that i have never done before. I've always had used cars. I walked around a lot, looking at the different cars, seriously deliberating on this in my head. I was to the point of tears, I was so scared my car needed some huge repairs. So after some serious thought, and wiping my eyes, I went to talk with Andy, the service tech I deal with. He pointed me in the direction of a salesman. After more thought, I talked to him. I told him right off the bat my credit sucks. He understood, and asked what I was looking for. I told him I wasn't expecting to drive off the lot with anything, but I needed something reliable. Can handle snow, and all that. Also something with amazing gas mileage. He pointed me in the direction of the Legacy. I agreed, and told him that it would be nice, as my current car, I was really tired of pouring money into it. It needed a small block replacement, and the cylinder heads rebuilt. About $5,500 worth of work. I told the salesman this, Tommy. We began the process that I knew was gonna fail, but hey. Doesn't hurt to try, right? I get called back to the service area, and talk to Andy. He told me to trade in my car. The turbo was blown, again, and needed about $2,300 of repairs, on top of the $5,500. I walked back up front and went to Tommys' desk. He was still crunching numbers with his boss. He got my license and whatnot, had me fill out a credit application. I filled it out and whatnot. I called my dad for his address for a reference. After all of this, I got a brand new car. I don't know how, really, but I did. a 2014 Subaru Legacy 2.5i. Base model, but still. It needs a couple things to make it mine, but I now have a reliable vehicle. I drove it to work the day I bought it, drove it off of the lot with 6 miles on the odometer. It gets up to 34mpg. I get it up to 28.5mpg. In the city, 27.9mpg. the other Subaru I have, 20mpg. I can get 620 miles per tank of gas. Like, goddamn. That's more than halfway back to Carson City NV. It wasn't a bad experience, but it was still rather scary.
I also miss wearing my collar. A lot. Charles goes to these events, while I'm at work, and most times, I'm really jealous that he can, and I'm unable to, due to me having to work. He gets to go experience things that I'm unable to do with him. Things I wish I could be present for. It feels like I'm losing him, but he says I'm not. He goes out Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. He goes to a multitude of things, which is fine. I want him to go have fun. To get stuff done to him that I'm unable to do, such as needle play. Getting whipped hard enough to leave blood blisters, spanked hard enough to leave bruises. I am unable to do any of that to him. I truly am unable. I try. I did give him a good experience the other night. Spanked, then caned his back, with a bamboo cane. Flogged his back with a toy he made. He enjoyed it a lot. I still can't hit him as hard as he likes. So he goes to the play parties to get that done. Sometimes it feels like I have to compete with those parties and what not. I get told that Charles isn't going anywhere, that he comes home to me, and only me. But i know, he would go home with a Dom or whatnot, if he knew it wouldn't hurt me. Should I stop being his Dom, since I am that way at work? I have to be pretty dommy at work. No, don't translate that into being an ass, as thats not how I am. It drains me quite a bit at work. When I get home, sometimes I just wanna be left alone in my collar. Though, I simply come home, and play FFXIV. I am pretty tired when I get home. I don't want to do anything, except have a 6' bubble around me for a while. When I get home, and Charles isn't home, wild things go through my head. Most often is "Gods...good thing I didn't have to shoot anyone today...". I mean, I know he wouldn't know unless I told him. I guess I'm being selfish with him....I dunno. He keeps telling me something is holding him back, that all of his tarot readings on himself tell him the same thing. I know what it is. He wants to fully experience that lifestyle. All of the way. I am unable to do that presently, so he holds back on most things in that field. Therefore, I'm holding him back. Maybe I'm wrong. Possibly, but I don't think so. I don't know.
My job is going good. I have two low limit credit cards to rebuild my credit with. one I use for my Final Fantasy XIV subscription, along with Charles', and other various MMOs, and the other I call my "I want this" card. I can handle that. Everyone is a bit jealous that I have them, cause they don't have any. I'm sorry, but its my turn. Tired of being peoples money backup. I can't wait until my finances are smoothed out, so I can start saving for my new computer. Its weird to have left over money for things, like, semi expensive things. I went out and bought a $275 GPS by Garmin. Garmin Nuvi 2797 LMT. 7" screen. Why? Well, eventually, I plan on driving to NV to see my mom and pick up more things that are mine from my dads house. But a decently sized reason was because I wanted it. Ya, I used my credit card. But still. I can DO that. It felt pretty good.
Blah my mom...Shes faded further into the Alzheimer's. I have talked to her a few times in the past couple weeks. She doesn't make much sense most of the time. Only at the beginning, when I say hello, she says hello back. At one point, she had a moment of clarity, and asked when she could come home. I had to go in to work soon, so I pretended I didn't hear it, and moved forwards. I later cried in the tower, as thats where I was posted that day. I couldn't help myself. It didn't last long, but still. I want to get her out of there, and its gotten worse. She gets treated worse than the prisoners in the prison I work at. She gets two showers per week, when the inmates get one a day. She gets a rice crispie treat for a snack. She doesn't have any teeth to chew it with, and its too hard to make it dissolve, so she can chew it. Shes also had some things done with her feet. She had planters warts removed from her feet, so she was in pain. They were giving her Tylenol for it, but that's not gonna dull that kind of pain, not to mention it doesn't really work on her. So I gave them some meds to look into. I wish I could help her more. I really do.
Thats a life update. Bye.
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