More thoughts...

So, I have been thinking about things a lot, since the meeting. Protocols mainly. I've had two or more dreams of being in a house like that. Its on my mind a lot. Last night, we went out to the movies, and dinner at a fast food place. But there were things he did, that, while it did feel a bit weird him doing it, felt right in my heart. Opening the car doors for me and Charles. Now, you may think it is odd that a Dom is opening the passenger doors for his subs to get in. Here is why it isn't weird: The Dom opening the car doors for his subs is non verbal permission to get in the car, and at the destination, go with him inside. Now, of course, the subs would need to open the building doors for Sir, then enter behind him. This type of thing, this protocol, I am finding I like this a lot. It...SUITS .. me. Literally, a warm fuzzy feeling. Of course, if we were in a hurry somewhere, "Get in, lets go" and zoom, off we go to get in. And the whole eating thing, it was good too. Yes, a new thing that was tried, a little odd for the one giving direction. But, that will fade once he is more comfortable giving the "Ok. lets eat" order, or something similar. The sub does not unfold his napkin and place it in his lap, until his Sir has done so first. Not before. And the Sub will not eat a morsel of food from any course, until the Sir has taken the first bite. These things please me a lot. It fills this hole I've had in my being for a long time quite well. There's a lot of things in a document that would fit our relationship well. Those being two of them.

Another thing I've been talking some with Sir is that seeing as he has two subs, picking a day of the week, one for each, and out of that day, he sets aside 2-3hrs to be JUST with that Sub. No one else, no other company. Nothing to interfere with that time with the Sub. They can go out and take a walk, go walk around the mall, go to lunch, snuggle and watch a movie. Anything they want to do together. This time needs to be adamant, almost set in stone. There are gonna be days where either of them will want to be left alone, and that should be respected. Sir should ask when it would be ok to have that time. The Sub will NOT turn into a smart-ass, or be in anyway rude with the answer. "Can we try in a few hours?" or "Let us try again tomorrow." The sub should always apologize about the delay, no matter how small. But the Sub should spend time with Sir within 24hrs of the set time. That way, the Sub and Sir can talk about in open communication, what was wrong, regardless of what it was. If the Sir did something to upset, the Sub will say so. Not the story, but a simple "Sir, the way you did/said this, at this time, hurt". No need to go into the story.

I mentioned earlier that I had dreams the past couple nights about all of this. That tells me that this is right. It tells me that this needs to happen. Granted, Sir said that we would exercise Social protocol almost all of the time. I'm thinking a combination of both Social, and Low protocol is what I will practice. It will be the most comfortable. A Sub, while he can speak freely, there are times and places where he does not. In the mall, walking around, the Sub can speak freely, as long as the Sir is in place. Once another person, whom is either unaware of the lifestyle, or is, comes to speak with Sir, the Sub will stand behind and to the right, unless introduced. That's how -I- feel I should act. So I will. I will implement anything I feel is appropriate to demonstrate my position, in addition to what protocols are used already and in the future.

I know there were a couple more things, but I don't remember them. I will write about them when I do remember them.

Protocols, Etiquette, Rituals..things I've learned...

I went to a meeting tonight, with the local CoP group. We were talking about protocols, rituals, and etiquette. Something I've always been really interested in. And I've learned a few things. I learned that doing these small things is my comfort. For example, taking my dom his food when its cooked. Sitting down on the floor when were all eating in the living room. Those are my rituals. I had it pointed out to me, talking to someone I met there: "I noticed something you said. You are saying they are YOUR rituals. Do you think that you should be making them yours AND his...?" which basically stopped me in my tracks. She had said that Sitting there on the floor eating may be just for me, but wouldn't he like it as well? Just a small touch, gentle squeeze to the shoulder can be enough to appease that feeling of wanting to feel needed. A lingering touch. That touch saying that he appreciates that ritual that I do, so that way it isn't just mine, its mine AND his. Or maybe I will start taking him his dinner, when were all eating in our rooms, and instead of just handing it to him, maybe I will kneel and hand it to him.

"Here is your dinner, Sir." Its really hard though. I've not ever had to do that before. Only online. It was typed out. I can't exactly type out into the air "Yes Master." as that technology doesn't exist. But I'm rather hard headed, and have never had to say it to someone in real life. Yea, I do address strangers as such, Sir or Ma'am, as I was taught. But to say it to someone, and you know their name, its a bit harder. The enforcement of it though, may help. I'm not sure. I may not be as good as a sub as I thought I was. Or maybe I need to get to a certain point, where the natural comes out. I have been rather dominant most of my life, through no choice of my own. Taking care of people, coming up with solutions in a matter of minutes to rather large problems. Things like that, and to let all of that go, even now, after breaking out of my shell, its still a new world. New experiences. Just new things all around.

I would like to have a suggestion box. We all put something in it, at least once per day, then every week, we pull one out, and try it. Be it with both, or just one. If just one, may wanna pull out another one later that day for the other, or go between the two. Anyways, something like that. When we start getting more stuff in the BDSM dept, the presenter of the discussion had another wonderful idea. If something has been on the Subs mind for a while, slip that particular toy under the pillow of the Dom. If you do it, you do. If not, set aside a time in the next 2-4 days to do it. But that way the Dom KNOWS whats on his subs mind.

A few of the other things that were talked about is protocol. Like a written set of rules for the Dom/sub household. Not really rules, just protocols for how things are done, handled, resolved, ecetera. Now granted, this could take months, and I don't mind that. I'm thinking about once a week, we all sit down, leave phones and electronics in the rooms, and see if we can't come up with things. I'm not quite sure how protocols would be, or written. I will need to look it up some, and provide some examples.

Another thing is etiquette. How does one act in certain places? Like, how do we do things in the mall? Out walking around Manitou? Garden of the Gods? I'm not sure. Are we entering into the realm of the leather spectrum of the BDSM world? Should I start calling him Sir, even in public? A lot of things were answered for me at that meeting, yet more questions came up. So I want to live in a leather household? Be treated like a leather boy? I don't know. It sounds like something I would like to explore, so I will definitely put it in the suggestion box.

Don't get me wrong. The playtimes are still rather important, and rather enjoyable. Things to do, or learn about in playtime will also be put in that box.

There were so many things learned, I'm afraid I don't remember it all. I hadn't eaten all day, so my mind was not so sharp. I'm sorry for that. Seems these things were the most important though. A lot of things were learned tonight, at this meeting. Some good insight, and ideas, methods. I want to go further with this. No, you don't need to become a strict leather daddy to me. Though I will admit, it does sound interesting.

This is all I can come up with for now. Towards the end, I was losing the thoughts that were in my head. I'm sorry for that.

Progress

So I asked him something, that took me a lot of courage, and, well, balls, to be honest, to ask. I asked if he could promise to not play with anyone else. And he did. To my surprise, he did. I almost cried. I thought he was gonna accuse me of being like this huge drama queen.

You said "I was expecting you to ask me that a while ago...". I felt read. Like you anticipated me, and I enjoyed it. I felt like I was yours. Spike, you truly are making headway. A lot of it.

I'm Sorry I held so much back from you. I realize now that it prevented a LOT of development, and that I held so much expectation from you. I expected you to KNOW me, without me opening up. I had expected you to learn without being shown what, how, and when. For that, I'm sorry. I really am. I've thought about it for a while now, and I realize just how much I was holding back, and not letting anything progress forwards. How much I was hampering your efforts. Maybe Mich was right on one aspect of me, that I was acting too high and mighty to realize any of that. Of that, I apologize with every fiber of my being.

The note you left the other day, I loved it. Just a small little reminder. I may not have needed it, but still. I loved it. It told me "I want to make him smile today, cause i know he is worried about the walk-through." The way it was signed, it made me...its almost unexplainable. "You're mine. I am your Dom. Master." And it made the reminder like a "if you haven't thought of doing this, please do so." order type of thing. I can't ignore those types of things. Something in me tells me to make sure it happens. I can not ignore a direct command. it WILL get done. Now, don't be like: "Clean the entire house by wed." It would happen, but it would not be good. I would feel used, though it would most likely pass quickly. I just really enjoyed the feeling that you took the time to write me a small note. However insignificant it seems to you, regardless of content, means a lot to me.

Spike, you've made a lot of progress. I've opened my self, and felt exposed. Feeling that you'll do something that seems small to you, that would destroy me, has been a constant thought on my mind. Things run through my head, and most times i can't stop it. But I'm very glad I can finally start to relax. To let down my guard of "Oh, he'll mess up somehow.." and turn that into "Na. He won't. Hes not like that anymore." And I'm beginning to be proud to call you my Dom. "Spike McDowwll, he is my Dom, my Owner." It feels good.

Thank you for having the patience with me to see me through everything. I don't have much to give back, except my love and submission. Both I give freely.