I won't give up...

The other day, on the 19th of March to be exact, was the one year anniversary. I posted about that last time. I wanted to get Him something. I had no idea what to do. Since then, after pondering it for a while, I have figured out what to give Spike. Its nothing physical, unless its the collar around my neck. It is a link to, what I think, is a beautiful song. Saying things I choke up when wanting to say, even if its typed. So, Spike, here is my anniversary gift to you.

I won't Give Up

Spike please listen to this. the past week has been tough for me, with all of my little thoughts running in my head. When I learned that you and Draggie played, then were what I thought was playing, I got hurt. I didn't see if you were clothed when I went up there to let you know we were going to Wal-Mart. I just assumed you were playing again. I still think you were, as I can't get that out of my head. After coming home, and sitting here, I was getting angry, and I almost took it out on Wuffs. So I left to go driving. I played this song over and over, as I cried. My mind was a mess. It was so jumbled, and for once I couldn't form a single thought. I love you a lot. You've done things for me only others had said they would do. You actually did them.

I'm not going to give up. I want to be your sub. I know I already am. When we were talking earlier today, I was honest. Those things I said, they would happen. I don't know why. You should have a mate. You should be able to love another person, as your last Love left prematurely. (R.I.P.) There are times where I feel that urge, to just stop whatever it is I'm doing and just sit in your lap, like that one night. Gods that was awesome. Gently being petted, outstanding.

The picture you had made for me, made me cry. Yes, in a good way. I saw it that first time, tears welled in my eyes instantly. Like, right away. I was touched so deep in my heart. That picture captured everything. I love it, and it will be getting printed and framed. It will be one of the closest possessions I have. Thank you. I wish I had something to give in return, except a link to a song.

My biggest fear, lately, is that I will be tossed aside for something, or someone new and shiny. Its happened to me, through Ezekieal. It crushed me then, I don't know what it would do to me now, if that happened. Its why I got/get scared sometimes (most times) when you go off with people, at a friends place, Draggie, or with others in Second Life. No. I'm not saying this to make you stop. I just want you to know how I feel. This is the best way I can. Like you said to me the other day, this is hard for me. I want you to have a mate. I do. If it is Draggie, I don't know what I would do. Mich wasn't such a big deal, but I dunno why Draggie is. Maybe its the fear of losing that place in your heart. I've not been in a lot of peoples hearts, and it feels good. I don't want to lose that. I'm more afraid of losing that spot, than you are scared of me leaving. I wouldn't leave, ever, unless I felt pushed away, replaced. Like Batty said, I'm more attached to you than I ever thought.

Want you in my life...